Relationships

I have been single now for a little over 3 years (gosh I didn’t realise that it was that long) and at some times I feel my ‘singleness’ more than others. Not in the way of being invited to things that only couple’s do, or seeing couples everywhere I turn. I went through all of that early after my last long term relationship ended.

I am quite happy going out with my friends whether it is with a group of couples or not – doesn’t matter either way- I no longer feel like the ‘third wheel’.

No, I am more at the stage of just wanting to meet that person who will
grow with me and who will grow independent of me. Someone who I can have great
discussions and who will challenge me in a good way.

I have been consciously selective when considering my next partner. When I say selective I don’t mean choosy. Perfection is an illusion that many people buy into, and I am not looking for that or I would be single forever. However in the past, one of the patterns in my life has been attracting and going out with people who display controlling behaviours. They have been critical of who I am, and I have ended up offended and withdrawn.

It used to happen in all areas of my life and was quite subtle, but I
was playing a role where I was willing to hand over my power in most
relationships.

I want to emphasise that I was really happy to do that – very willing. After all, as the youngest of six children I was used to taking orders and having others tell me how to be. And when you believe that, and that is a rule for your world, you wouldn’t complain one bit.

So on one level it was an unpleasant comfort zone, but it was a comfort zone all the same. To outsiders the relationships may have seemed fine and for me it was blissful ignorance. However both relationships ended with my partner being interested in someone else (really nice reinforcement of my belief that I wasn’t worth much hey)! Oh, and I didn’t realise the pattern until the end of the most recent relationship, that I had also started going out with my partners as they were finishing relationships (you can justify anything).

So as you could imagine after the most recent break up with a long term
partner, and having other areas of my life start to crumble I needed to break
the pattern.

Help came in the form of a fantastic energetic healer. Energetic Healing is quite amazing and has helped in me in all areas of life. Part of the benefit of actively participating in your own development is that you get to see the patterns in life you run. I started to become aware of the people I attracted into my life and people who I found attractive and their traits.

That really blew my mind that I would only find a certain ‘type’ of
person attractive if their own patterns ‘fitted’ what my rules were seeking.

Once I saw the patterns I chose that I wasn’t willing to repeat them. And with the work I have been doing I believe I will attract a different ‘type’ of person to reflect who I am now. I am far more centred.

Another benefit of this work if that you begin to be conscious of times when you feel ‘needy’ for a relationship versus being centred and open to one. I have to say I feel ready for my next foray into relationship, with a healthy amount of fear attached. So I will wait patiently and see who turns up with the other challenge being to remain open to opportunity.